What It’s Really Like being Single AF in your 30s
It’s HARD in these streets when you are single and in your, cough, cough in your 30’s. But the single ladies have all had people tell us, “Enjoy being single girl!” (insert eye roll). Yeah, I get it. Your partner is aggy. And relationships are work, blah blah blah but sleeping in a cold ass bed in the winter months is not glamorous either. We can all agree that focusing on self and manifesting all the those sexy things I put on my vision board are way more valuable than spending time with a wasteman. However, while there are many glorious benefits to living a single lifestyle, the REALITY of the situation is that being single kinda sucks when you’re approaching your 40’s. I mean, who doesn’t want a partner to do life with?
Being single for longer than a Star Wars trilogy has GOT to be detrimental to your health. I’m convinced that sustained singleness (I’m talking about that kinda single where you don’t even put your phone on the charger at night cuz ain’t nobody sending you a WYD text or a GM baby voice note) puts you at high risk for developing a case of Post Traumatic Dating Disorder. This is for the single folk who have decided to strap up and brave the elements of the dating world. It is literally a jungle out there. How can you tell that you may be experiencing symptoms of PTDD?
You find yourself building a roster of all the potentials but honestly, the roster is trash. And who really has time to keep up with all this!? I give up every time.
You have absolutely no clue when someone is feeling you or not. People are weird these days. Like, do you like me or are you really trying to have sex WITH my car (it’s a thing, I saw it on TV). The absurd aside, I find that people can be doting and attentive one minute and the minute after you hang up the phone they have ghosted you, vanishing into thin air. RUDE!.
You’ve gotten to a point where you don’t know how to act when someone pays for your food. It’s like an old western shootout. He’s grabbing for his card, I am grabbing for my card. I don’t know how to let you pay for my food… Being single AF means fending for yourself….all the got damn time!
You’ve developed an “I’ll Do It My Damn Self!” attitude. Being single longer than we have been saying bye to Felicia means that I do everything my damn self. Not that a partner is there to change my tires, or reach for the thing on top of the fridge but let’s face it, out of necessity I can build the house, table, and put food on it but do I want to? No. I mean, but who else is gonna do it? Exactly.
You aren’t quite sure what age bracket of man you’re looking for, because at this point you could date somebody’s son, or somebody’s daddy. You’ve hit the lotto if he knows how to work an IG AND has a lil salt and pepper in his quarantine beard. Yum.
You catch yourself lowering the bar. Aht Aht!!! We are NOT giving out participation points for people doing the bare minimum. No more gold stars for returned texts but you know when you watch movies where people have been stranded in the forest for years and they will eat anything? You ain’t in the forest, you deserve better...no really...you do!
You’ve mastered the art of pretending not to care. Met a man you think is swell? If you’ve been single AF for a bit you’d understand that this unfortunately means you must tread with caution. Resist all urges to start fantasizing about a future with said man. Play it cool, ‘cause there’s a good chance that you haven’t met the real him yet, just his “representative”. Take your time.
The dating (cess) pool of today can be a scary place. And navigating single life can leave you with feelings of defeat, dread, and maybe even a bit of concern. But having PTDD doesn’t have to be a dating death sentence. Let it serve as a reminder that you deserve nothing less than your heart’s desire. Being single when deep down inside you’d rather be head over heels essentially means you’ve decided not to settle for less and more importantly have chosen yourself. Keep your head up. Try things you haven’t tried before. Double text that man. Or ghost him if you need to. Be yourself and let the trash continue to take itself out.